Plugging away.

I haven't posted in a couple of weeks because I've been so depressed, but I don't want to drift too far away from blogging, so here I am. Today I actually woke up feeling more hopeful about things, though I couldn't help but think of the song "Absolutely (Story of a Girl)" and its line: "Now how many days in a year, she woke up with hope but she only found tears?" Still, things are progressing. Unless a miracle comes along before Friday evening, Carl and I are moving in with his parents, a typical unemployment/recession story. Their house is paid off and they're so old that they'd prefer to have us close by so we can run their errands and manage the household, so living with the "in-laws" really shouldn't be so bad. At worst, they might be annoying with their octo- and nonogenerian quirks that really only stem from the need to survive each day. We'd help fix up the house bit by bit and have more space to work with, plus the freedoms that come with home ownership: freedom to plant a garden, put a shed in the yard, etc. Lastly, I'd save hundreds of dollars each month that could be put towards rebuilding my savings, paying off my credit card, or pre-paying my student loans. I really can't see any serious disadvantages to it. Even though it bothers me to consider moving to a neighborhood that's neither aesthetically pleasing nor convenient to school, it's a roof over my head that would only cost me my share of utility and grocery bills.

Other developments include a phone call with the 4-H contact at the U, which enabled me to get on an email list for updates on the up-and-coming Collegiate 4-H chapter at the school. This is important because if I found out that there was no University chapter, I was going to start one, never mind the fact that I've never been an aggie before. But it looks like I won't have to take that role, so I'm pleased. I chatted online with my good friend Jessi, who has done the aggie thing and has also helped with another organization of which we're both alumnae: the Girl Scouts. I've also been intensely interested in revisiting them in some way as well, so after our conversation, I checked in with the local council's website and actually found a job opening there. It would be a great fit, pay well, and provide benefits, and of course it's with an organization that I hold dear, so as much as I hate to mess up school plans, I'm going to apply and hopefully they won't remember the time they tried so hard to recruit me and I turned them down because the schedule wouldn't allow me to get a second job.

What else ...I haven't talked with my parents in almost a month because of how upset they made me when I visited them, so I think unless they call me, I'll wait to call them until next week at the earliest because by then I'll know for sure whether or not I'm moving into Carl's parents' house. They'll have a fit about that, but I'd rather drop the bomb from a position of strength (plans set in stone). The outrageous things that they accused him of with regard to my unemployment and constant state of poverty effectively traumatized me and there's no telling what they might try to do to our relationship (already tried to break us up a couple of times). At that time, they were on this cult kick and staged something of an intervention on the last day of my visit, accusing Carl of being a cult leader with a Messiah complex who's just manipulating me, when in fact they are the ones doing the manipulating by saying that they wish they could send me some money to help me out--if only I wasn't with Carl. For the record, I have not asked them for any financial assistance at all throughout this ordeal and I have been just fine with that because at almost thirty years old, I understand and appreciate that it's high time for me to find ways to stand on my own. Carl and I were badly weakened for a couple of days there, but now we're strong again and are determined to make things work as a team. If that means operating out of a shed in his parents' backyard, so be it. I'm not leaving the West and see little point in endlessly deferring my chance to redo my education to emerge as a scientist (Girl Scout job notwithstanding).

Well, it's been a lengthy post and I should get back to my scholarship search, so I'll be back sometime over the weekend or afterwards to report whether or not we are definitely moving "home", as well as the result of my application to the Girl Scouts. Here's hoping that the depression is finally lifting.