Thinking of the scene in "Office Space" in which the three protagonists are all swearing in the car after discovering the bank error.

I just got off of the phone with the unemployment call center to find out why I haven't received any payments in four weeks. It's because it's taking five to six weeks just to get any "issues" with claims in front of an adjudicator, that's how badly backed up the system is. Yesterday I finally added up all of the bills that have come in the mail, plus rent and water, and it was an exhorbitant amount. I had to move fifteen hundred dollars from savings to checking. Fifteen hundred. I'm looking at places to live that either cost less, include utilities, are shared situations, or are part of caretaking gigs. Of course, if I don't find a job by the time I determine I have to move, I don't see how I could get a place at all. I do have a friend who weathered some tough times and kind of bounced from one home to the next last year, so if I could just get a hold of her (notoriously doesn't answer her phone), I could at least see how she survived. I was up into the wee hours of the morning last night worrying about being separated from Carl because of having to relocate for a job or living situation. I found a very doable job in Montana a couple of days ago and since then I've been stressing about the possibility of leaving Arizona altogether. Heartbreaking ...

P.S. Last night I had to go grocery shopping on top of it, dropping $50 on food that will only last about a week even at Wal-Mart prices, and my items included seven packs of ramen. Thus the picture, even though you've seen it before.

Happy Valentine's Day, every day the fourteenth!

It's actually 2:22 am Mountain Standard Time on Sunday the fifteenth as I write this, but I haven't ended my day yet and Sunday doesn't begin until I get up to start it, so it's still Valentine's Day. I will not apologize for saying that my first Valentine's Day with a real boyfriend has been worth the wait. (Last year I had to work on Valentine's Day night and didn't get to spend any time with him.) Anyway, I know my blog entries are becoming more sporadic and that's because job prospects seem to be drying up. I found a couple of positions at the Grand Canyon for the Park Service and I'll apply to them for the heck of it, but really, you know everyone and their ass-uncle is vying for those jobs. I'm making assumptions, but I strongly suspect that the two most popular national parks are probably Rocky Mountain and the Grand Canyon. Still, it's all about getting my name in the system as much as possible, especially with the way that I've heard that the federal government hires: apparently it's common for them to interview you over the phone or even just draft you without an interview. Meanwhile, I'm hoping for the best when it comes to my application to Customs & Border Protection. As unfortunate as the Southern Arizona-Sonora situation is, it is creating jobs, and I need to capitalize on this as long as they're recruiting. I faxed my college transcript over to them this week and am hoping they will decide that I'd make a bomb-diggity Mission Support Assistant.

Other events this week included:

Bombing the pre-screening interview at the Target Warehouse. I really need to get over this job loss to make any progress, apparently.

The never-ending search for jobs.

Tagging along with Carl to his sales training and deciding that he can do all of the selling he wants, but this type of sales work is blatantly not for me.

Attending a very timely Robert Kyosaki "Rich Dad" seminar to see what they had to say. It was useful information but somehow very limiting or like it wasn't really a means to an end. I guess I'm just too much of an earthling to be so driven by the almighty dollar.

A great visit with an advisor at the University to discuss courses I can skip, courses I should take at the community college, and courses I should choose for my eventual specialty. If I could just find out quickly whether or not I've been accepted, I don't think I'd hesitate to plunge in whole-hog and remake myself once and for all.

Deciding not to become a part-time canvasser for a local environmental organization. It takes WAY too much labor for the very low pay and for some reason, they see it fit to go traipsing around sketchy neighborhoods looking for money AFTER DARK. I know this because on his first night with it, Carl was immediately tossed to the lions and actually got separated from the rest of the group, had to take a bus back to midtown, and called me from a payphone to get a ride back to where his truck was. And then the other canvassers had the nerve to get mad at him for getting lost! After not training him enough and leaving him behind on his first night! After I heard that I promptly cancelled my training sessions. Hell NO.

Surrounded myself with lots of earthlings by convincing Carl to go to a folk duo concert and free vegetarian meal at the local Unitarian church. Not a typical way for me to spend a Friday night (sounds more like what I'd end up doing if I was still stuck in my hometown), but it was something I needed to do as a change of pace and for the networking potential. Plus, I'm finding myself leaning more towards the Unitarian church because the religion I chose for myself, while refreshingly free of excessive ritual, is really too loosely organized for me to feel like a full participant. If I could ever get myself out of bed to attend a service, I'd be all set. Tomorrow's not a good day, but we'll see about upcoming Sundays.

Not receiving any unemployment compensation! It's week four, people, and I'm dyin' here!

Steadily crafting away and hoping that all of my stitching will turn out something worth selling. I have lots of fun ideas and maybe I'll soon have enough items to arrange a little sale in my driveway.

Today we went to have a proper look at just a small part of the gem show and I'm glad we did. There were some killer deals out there and I'm even thinking of going to the grocery store and buying, like, a bottle of water just so I can get about five bucks in cash back so I can go back to that Huichol art dealer and buy one of his marked-down ornaments. I don't know when I'll ever again see a piece of Huichol art for under ten dollars. Check out the Huichol Indians on Wikipedia: they're a Mexican tribe and they make the most incredible, detailed, painstaking, psychedelic folk art. It is absolutely trippy, and it has everything to do with their ritual use of peyote.

Lastly, though I shouldn't end an entry with negativity, I just remembered that the latest piece of scary economic news is that the Arizona Department of Economic Security, the agency that handles welfare, food stamps, health insurance, unemployment insurance, and so on, is having problems of its own and is forcing 9,000 employees to go on furlough (see the Arizona Daily Star from Friday the 13th: http://www.azstarnet.com/allheadlines/280062.php .). Unemployment is the only sector that won't be impacted, but that's a small comfort. We're all gonna die. A few days ago I joined the many poor unfortunates in this city/county/state/country and submitted my paperwork for state health insurance, and I'm awaiting word on my applications for reduced electric and gas bills. Yes, especially because I'm not getting UI, I'm joining the welfare masses. Now with this latest news, I may not receive any health insurance, or (hopefully) by the time I do, I'll have a job that offers benefits. Sigh. I asked the UA admissions receptionist if she knew if there has been a recent spike in applications due to job loss and she said that there haven't been any more than usual (could say a lot for the academic standards in these parts), so I'm hoping she's right and that I'll be accepted without any problems, unless they're limiting their recruiting to just Magnas and Summas. If I get in, I'm quite sure I'm going to just hide out in academia for a few years and hope that the Obama administration equals more green jobs by the time I'm 33 or 34.

Alright, I stand to get less than five hours of sleep at this point, and as good as that might be for trying again to reset my body clock, it's going to feel really rough. So it's off to bed with me, and if anyone out there is actually reading this, please cross your fingers, pray, or do what you want to help me either be promptly accepted to school or get a nifty federal job. Thanks!

Another day, another possibility for reinvention.

After much pointless and wasteful looping around the master-planned community, I finally saw it gleaming in the shimmery partly-cloudy desert sky. It spread out massively, all by itself, atop a bladed lot that was still in the process of being landscaped and still held various road graders and construction implements. I wasn't too sure it was the place, for another similar fortress down the road had already faked me out as I slowly cruised between the cones and caution tape dividing up the road. I had one more opportunity to turn left before it was too late, and then I saw the entrance sign that answered my question: In bold red and white, "Target.com Fulfillment Center". The parkway leading to the enormous warehouse was long and curving, and parking guides were stationed occasionally along it to aid the hundreds, perhaps thousands, of wannabe employees. In the seemingly miles-wide parking lot, cars were parked a bit haphazardly as people tried to fit their vehicles into the extra long big-rig spaces. Once I parked and alighted with my materials, I approached the warehouse door, which was one tiny portal in the endless wall of the building. Near me a man in a suit carrying a briefcase casually asked me what position I was applying for. I said that I wasn't sure and I would see what they had. He looked like an unemployed higher-up of some kind and accordingly grumbled, "At this point, I'll scrape rocks for a living." I'd actually applied online a few weeks ago for a logistics coordinator position, but I haven't been feeling confident about my chances, based both on my application and on the availability of such positions. The ads have been pushing the labor positions, which top out at $14.75 an hour. When I entered the building, I checked in at a makeshift registration table and picked up a hard copy of my online application. Great, a chance to see how badly it came out. It actually wasn't so bad except for my reason for leaving my last job: "Was terminated without explanation--" and then it was cut off. Oh well, I was there now and I would just see what they had to say. There were very few people around, even in the "presentation room" that they'd sectioned off with stacks of pallets. This was odd, but after a short presentation about the company and the job duties, we were directed to another part of the warehouse for pre-screening ...and there were the teeming hundreds. A manager wheeled a cart with cardboard boxes over to where I was standing in the serpentine line and took people's applications. She explained that we could stay in line to complete the pre-screening today or she could give us an appointment card to return tomorrow. Several of us chose this option, so tomorrow it will be my task to arrive at least an hour before my appointment time, and that will be preceded by a forty-five-minute commute. Sigh, another day potentially wasted. If I actually got a job there, I'd be moving as soon as possible because that commute is just not worth it.

Being unemployed seems to entail so much waiting. Besides waiting for the right job opportunity to come along, traditionally those collecting benefits have had to wait in lines (I won't have to in this online, plugged-in era, though). There's the waiting at the unemployment office to apply for benefits. Waiting for assistance with setting up an account with Workforce Connection. Waiting in line to have questions answered. Waiting on the phone to file claims. Waiting for benefits to kick in. Waiting at the welfare office to sign up for state health insurance, food stamps, or what have you. I think the only reason I was finally helped with my health insurance application was that the office was going to close soon. Now to wait for the state to accept or reject my application. Feh.

"I'm down, looking fo' upness. He's cold, watchin' fo' heat. That trick, go fill his cupness. That's life on Rosacoke Street.

"Some girls, they are a-sellin' 'til they get back on their feet. But Lee, he ain't a-tellin'. Aahhh, that's life on Rosacoke Street."

--Lee Hazlewood, "Rosacoke Street"

Ahh! I need my own admin assistant.

If you ignore the speech bubbles and just look at the people with their hair on fire, that's how I feel right now. At least it's not the same emergency circumstances that I always felt on a Friday at my former employer. For all of the financial worry, it's such a relief to not be there anymore. Today I actually received a call from someone who saw my Craig's List ad for basic resume services, which freaked me out, but my excuse for being caught off-guard with him was that I was on my way out to an appointment. Gotta work on staying calmer. I called him later to chat but it was a bad time for him, so that gives me time to refine my policies and procedures. He plans to call back tomorrow afternoon. Hopefully this will turn out well.

The appointment I was on my way to was an orientation for prospective canvassers for the Arizona League of Conservation Voters. For my one blog follower, this would be a job similar to the folks you've seen representing MassPIRG who solicit signatures and donations on the street or on college campuses. It's not my strength, but the irony is that it would unite my exposure to public relations with my career goals, so I'm taking it as a cosmic sign to take action. It's a part-time commission-based gig, so I won't be able to live off of it, but it's a resume builder, in fact an ideal transitional gig, and it's better than no income at all. Speaking of the irony of not being able to escape PR, I've also volunteered my experience to another public policy organization and will be meeting with a committee chair on Monday to get started with distributing a press release. Sigh, no escaping PR.

I decided not to try to set up shop at the nearby free-for-all farmers' market and craft sale tomorrow, as I don't have enough merchandise to feel confident about selling it, but I will stop by as a visitor. I've also been in touch with a local artist who thought she'd try to sell at the swap meet herself, didn't meet with success, and is now hosting an art yard sale at her house tomorrow. I'm going to stop by and perhaps we can eventually collaborate, since I had the same idea.

As for applying for jobs, I've been lax the last two days in an effort to crank out some more crafts and take care of other business, but I did at least submit a resume to the local bicycle art and repari co-op. If anyone out there is familiar with the Student Union at UMass, you'll recognize the names Bike Co-op and Student Union Craft Center. This organization that's hiring combines those two efforts and is pretty well-known around town for promoting bike transportation as a result. It would be very nifty to be able to work for them.

Well, for now it's off to the gym, then Carl's show, and then to peek in the door of a party late tonight and see if it's worth spending arms and legs for a cover charge. Phew, five HUNDRED things to do, I swear.

Seemingly perpetually brain-fried.

I wouldn't say that the job search is exactly tiring, but this time around it seems truer than ever that searching for a job is itself a full-time job. I guess it's mentally fatiguing. I feel like I'm turning into a mush-mind, my eyes are dry and red from so much staring at an LCD screen, and I'm not getting enough sunlight. I'm wracking my brain to no end and gradually adding less and less desirable possibilities to my search criteria. My unemployment benefits status is still up in the air and the only money that's actually come in was $5 from my neighbor to chip in for gas use, and I spent almost all of it on food. I finally applied to the Customs and Border Protection job yesterday, as well as the National Park Service. I found a part-time secretarial job with the University that I applied to late last night. Today has been more of a research day that has included emailing myself leads from all over Craig's List (I'm talking nationwide here), calling the temp agencies that haven't returned my calls, and researching federal jobs near and far. I haven't done much in the way of crafts, which I need to correct because it looks like I'll probably be able to bring some items to a nearby farmers' market on Saturday morning. I also need to get cracking on poetry submissions to the publishing company that's been soliciting them on Craig's List. Friday I'll be attending an orientation downtown for people interested in working as canvassers for the Arizona League of Conservation Voters. It sounds like a MassPIRG-type of job and I imagine a lot of college students and young idealists will be there. Hopefully it will be something I'll want to try.

Sigh ...I hope that tomorrow is as warm and sunny as today was (82 degrees!) so I can go camp out at the park with my crocheting and writing. Still so much else to do ...

Monday Fresh Start

I took yesterday as strictly a play day with no activities that had any moneymaking goals. We drove out in the desert and walked around a bit, then eventually ended up at the Native American portion of the gem show, where I squeezed out a little money to buy a Huichol folk art-inspired necklace. I managed not to fall asleep until I went to bed, which is significant because in order to break myself of my night-owl 2-to-10 sleep schedule, I stayed up all night Saturday night into Sunday morning. I haven't pulled an all-nighter like that in at least seven years, and I hope not to again. I still managed to sleep until almost ten this morning anyway.

Today's developments:

Opened email to find a recruitment letter for a pretty decent-sounding contract job with a computer engineering company. It'd be bitch work for a department within the company, but I think I'd be away from the front line, which sounds appealing at the moment.

Also received notification of a National Park Service opening up at Tonto National Monument. I can do the job and I think the only thing that would prevent me from scoring it would be people getting extra points on their questionnaire for being veterans or federal employees. Getting the job would require a potential logistical nightmare of relocation and extended separation from Carl, but it's important to apply.

Faxed transcript request form to UMass for U of A application and eventual application to Customs and Border Protection.

Was granted an indefinite extension on the get-rich seminar materials by Patty.

Tried calling temp agency again, had to leave message for the lady who called me, called them to see about coming in while I was right in the neighborhood, was told she was at lunch, ultimately never received a call back. Have not heard a thing from any of the other temp agencies; will call tomorrow. Can't help wondering if it's because they're horribly busy or if I've been blacklisted. Trying not to obsess or feel paranoid.

Continued on to DES office to figure out what to use their Workforce Connection program for. Finished compiling online resume in their database, then had a private session with a representative in which I found out that I was supposed to have filed claims for the last two Sundays and I didn't because I thought I had to wait until DES decided whether or not I am eligible for unemployment benefits. Database on her computer showed that the "issues" are still pending. Feeling quite worried about having to face my former boss at a hearing.

Discovered that a new gallery downtown is not only seeking work for three upcoming shows, but also art and craft items to sell in their boutique. Already know what to submit for the first show and have ideas for the boutique.

So, in conclusion, today's "accomplishments":
burned more fuel (slept too late to make taking the bus worth it)
spent more money on craft supplies
spent more money on a snack because I was getting dangerously hungry
updated resume to submit for NPS job
...and absolutely nothing truly useful. Maybe it was just a weekend hangover, so I sure hope to accomplish much more tomorrow. I don't think any other unemployed period in my short life has been this busy, it's like putting in ten or eleven hours a day, six or seven days a week. Almost every activity is executed with the big question, "How will this make me money?" I'm so tired of just trying to survive; maybe that's a sign I need to go to school for sure, get it all over with, and emerge all shiny and smart so I can get a real job before I'm forty.

No news is bad news.

It's been a few days since I last posted because there really haven't been any developments. I played phone tag with a U of A advisor, tried to visit him and missed him, and went to the Customs & Border Patrol job fair yesterday morning only to spend hardly any time there because there wasn't much to learn that I didn't already know. Carl and I went to the Peace Center's annual fundraising spaghetti dinner to do some networking, but I couldn't figure out how to approach anyone and randomly chat them up. One of the temp agencies called me in the middle of my Saturday afternoon workout at the gym and when I tried to return the call, I let it ring and ring and no voicemail picked up at either number that I tried. None of the stores I've applied to have called and none of the temp agencies other than the aforementioned one have called at all, which is very unusual. The one I'd been working with before I even lost my job never called back to schedule an appointment. I received a special empty "prepaid" debit card in the mail from Chase that will eventually be credited with unemployment money, if I'm even granted any. I scoured Craig's Lists for quite a few cities beyond Tucson for jobs that could be done at a distance, found three, sent responses, and am awaiting word, if any, from them. There seem to be no jobs that I can do or am willing to do. A scary observation, too, is that on public bulletin boards and on Craig's List, I'm seeing an awful lot of people pimping themselves out for all kinds of labor, ranging from housework to metaphysical and spiritual work. It's like the proverbial man selling apples on a street corner during the Great Depression. I thought about posting my own ad listing my jill-of-all-trades skills but it seems like a cop-out and I feel like there must be a better temporary solution. Meanwhile, I went to the Casbah last night and it was full of gem show vendors and groupies, and I overheard one man talking about how he was expecting to rake in a couple thousand dollars on Tuesday alone. No fair ...

Still yet to do:

Respond to increasingly unappealing job opportunities that I keep emailing to myself.

Request college transcripts to be sent to CBP and the U of A.

Apply to CBP jobs and to the U of A.

Finish reading and listening to the get-rich seminar package borrowed from former client.

Call that jewelry lady downtown and find out if her job opening has been filled.

Try calling temp agencies.

Crank out crafts to haul to the Casbah to try and sell alongside gem show vendors.

Hold onto your jobs, it's seriously scary out here these days.